Progress is a stealthy beast

27 Jun

I’ve had cause to mark a bit of progress over the past few days. I didn’t notice it at first, but that’s always the way isn’t it? Things change for the good so slowly that you don’t remember the full frame of reference you have, preferring to compare yourself on how you were recently rather than long ago.

A while ago I was chilling outside a bar having a smoke when a Brazilian guy rambles out the door and stands in my general vicinity.  I strike a bit of a conversation and we shoot the breeze for a few minutes before two girls stumble, and I mean stumble, out the door in front of us.They were obviously with the guy, although I don’t know how well they all knew each other seeing as there was still that ‘first meeting’ sense lingering in the air, but they were cosy enough.

The girls start drunkenly jostling for attention from all angles straight away and I decide I’m having none of it. That’s a pretty decent step for me in the first place, but not the point proper ( I have a habit of calling people out when they’re acting like idiots anyway).

One of them starts hassling people for a smoke while obviously  rolling one up anyway. Bad mistake purty; if you’re gonna prey, do it right…and not in front of someone who can innocently-but at the same time damn blatantly- steer a situation in other directions (i don’t know how I get away with verbally assaulting someone for something like this and still have it seem like it’s all good, I really don’t).

But anyway, the two girls start really screaming for attention, which leads them to start making out – while looking around at the audience- and coming on to the brazilian lad. Long story short: they dragged him away* to what I can only presume would be the best night of his life, and I was pretty happy for him. I was, honestly!

*(While getting dragged away I wished him a good night and he stretched his arm out to shake my hand; he looked like someone getting eaten alive in a zombie film!)

The progress in all this? Well a few years ago I would have either

A) read the situation early and done my best to wedge myself in between the girls and the brazilian. Would I have succeeded? who knows, the point is I would have tried, making myself feel (and look) like an idiot either way.

or B) used this instance as an excuse to barrel off into a drunken wallow spiral…

“It should have been ME, JIMMY! jimmy it should have been me…”

about how things never work out for me and how life is terrible and how I could have had them and all that pointless babble, then gone on the dreaded hunt for the ‘last chopper from Saigon’.

I was pretty happy with that for one, but even happier when I saw the same two girls over the weekend at another bar and thought to myself “Huh…would ya look at that.” without batting an eyelid or, worse, letting that little devil on the shoulder start whispering “Huh would you look at that is right…dirty bitches. You know what to do…”.

In the past I would have genuinely, and drunkenly, tried to swing my way into that little sandwich regardless of the circumstances. And then there’s the fact that, more and more recently, I’ve taken stock of myself during nights out and figured that my time would be better spent enjoying the company of my friends than keeping watch/hunting for a nice piece of ass.*

*(hey it’s a hard thing to do when you’ve got the horn of a raging bull, but; I’d much rather take part in memories I’d like to remember rather than ones I’d like to forget)

Fuck me, I really did waste a lot of time back in the day. I was never hugely successful on the occasions I let myself ease out of my principles (which could even make it worse haha), but still I allowed myself to be taken over by the mindset, and the mindset is key.

Progress is indeed a stealthy beast. I never thought I’d be sitting here writing this sort of stuff and, even better, I never thought I’d be happy with myself about it. It takes a long time to change, and it’s very easy to forget where you started. Carrying on without knowing, or acknowledging, where you started can lead you to not see much improvement and maybe even influence you into thinking there’s not much point. Look far back enough though, or hard enough, and you’ll see a point you’ve been moving away from. From there, keep an eye on it.

I’m not gonna let all this allow me to become complacent though, hell no. Keep one eye on where you’ve been, and the other on where you want to be…Besides: The Last chopper from Saigon has more of my soul than I care to think about.

(and of course, the obligatory music. I’m curious; is this appreciated? or am I just getting peoples nerves by putting music at the end of the posts? Is it a page-loading hassle worthy of unsubscribing from the page? If you’d care to comment your view, it’d be much appreciated!…although I do love me some music, so I can’t promise your view- if negative- will be heeded;)

All the best

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2 Responses to “Progress is a stealthy beast”

  1. Express - you are self! June 28, 2011 at 10:31 am #

    Good on you! Any progress is good progress. Even if it’s just about containing the horn bag in you lol
    I actually took the idea off you in my last blog to apply music in my finale.. Think it’s a great touch, happy subscriber here! No unsubscribing necessary ;-)

  2. ettagirl June 28, 2011 at 7:23 pm #

    you can’t go wrong with taj mahal :) and this is one i hadn’t heard before. ta!

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